I didn’t date a lot during my high school years, but there was this one girl I met late during my senior year, 1990-something, that caught my eye. She was beautiful with bright green eyes, long curly sandy blond hair, a mischievous smile, and somehow, she made that plaid school uniform skirt look good. There was a worldliness to her that I knew I wasn’t prepared for; a level of experience that my naivete simply hasn’t worked up to yet. Somehow, in my gut, I knew that if we started dating, it would end badly.
So of course, I asked her out.
Things were fast and furious for the last few weeks of my senior year and into the summer before I left for college. But as the saying goes, “The flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long.” It was fun for a while but ended before it really began.
When KFC released their new Doughnut Chicken Sandwich in late February 2020, those marketing pros made that sandwich look good. The Colonel’s Original crispy fried chicken fillet with its eleven herbs and spices laid between two made-to-order fluffy glazed yeast doughnuts. The perfect combination of salty and sweet. The supposed new food trend successor to Chicken and Waffles. Somehow, in my gut, I knew it would end badly both figuratively and literally.
So of course, I went during launch week and got it for lunch.
I got it to-go during my lunch break at work and waited with bated breath as I drove back to the office and have some alone time with this glazed goddess.
I understand the advertised version and the reality version of a fast-food sandwich are generally worlds apart. At the very least, I thought this would be a fried juicy piece of chicken fillet with maybe Krispy Kreme levels of glazed doughnuts. It certainly wasn’t that. Whereas Krispy Kreme’s “Hot & Now” glazed beauties are light, airy, and fluffy, KFC’s were greasy and strangely dense for a yeast doughnut. They were dough rings trying to convince me they were doughnuts but failing. The chicken looked like it was a reject from one of the $5 Fill-Up Boxes. The glaze and grease from the doughnuts (and probably the 10-minute drive back to my office) rendered what was once a crispy piece of chicken into a flaccid mess.
The first two bites tasted fine. Things were going well. Then the reality of what is essentially a sugar and salt bomb started to hit me. It soon became teeth-numbingly sweet and blood-pressure rising-ly salty. I searched for some kind of hot sauce anywhere in my office to find some kind of relief but was left wanting. I powered through the rest of the sandwich, but it was not fun.
Like the Double Down before it, The Chicken Doughnut Sandwich is another stunt menu item to try and distinguish KFC from the rest of the fast food pack. If the sandwich form is a step too far for you, the Chicken and Doughnuts also come in basket form with one doughnut and chicken strips or bone-in chicken. Thank the chicken sandwich gods this abomination is only available for a limited time.